Catcher in the Rye

October 23, 2019

Here’s an old essay from about 9 years ago that I re-formatted on October 23rd, 2019.

Holden Caufield is a deeply troubled, yet compassionate, person.
He alternates between superiority,
    the apparent consciousness of his alienation and the despair that it creates,
    and an unbiased compassion for small affairs and actions.
This behavior leads to a conclusion that Holden has a medical condition called grandiosity disorder; this refers to
    "an unrealistic sense of superiority, a sustained view of oneself as better than others
    that causes the narcissist to view others with disdain or as inferior."
Yet, momentarily, he can recognize and laud others actions.
This theory will be explored by analyzing Holden's actions along with his thought process—given
    by the stream-of-consiousness writing style.
More specifically, Holden's grandiosity, alienation, and inability to let go of childhood memories
    and responsibilities will be used to elicit the aforementioned theory.

The first chronological display of Holden's grandiosity is when Holden is at Pencey Prep.
Upon leaving he yells out,
    "Sleep tight, ya morons!" (Salinger 52).
Holden believes that everyone at Pencey Prep is superficial, and the way he describes them is 'phony'.
Yet, later in the novel, Holden shows compassion for a trifling action after helping tie a child's skate.
He remarks,
    "God, I love it when a kid's nice and polite when you tighten their skate for them or something.
    Most kids are.
    They really are" (Salinger 119).
This change in behavior and thought are evident signs of grandiosity,
    and other examples like these can be seen in the novel.

Holden also amusingly finds adults 'phony'.
When he visits Mr. Spencer's house in the beginning of the novel they speak for awhile (albeit he does try to leave).
During the conversation, Mr. Spencer declares,
    "Life is a game boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules."
And Holden responds with,
    "Yes sir. I know it is. I know it" (Salinger 8).
After thinking about this advice, Holden proclaims,
    "Game my ass.
    Some game.
    If you get on the side where all the hot-shots are, then it’s a game, all right—I’ll admit that.
    But if you’re the one on the other side, where there aren’t any hot-shots,
    then what’s a game about it? Nothing, no game" (Salinger 8).
While Mr. Spencer is just trying to help Holden and prepare him for the world,
    Holden is cynical and refuses to take this advice.
Holden seems to think that adults only say this because they are the ones with the advantage and teenagers
    don’t have any kind of advantage in the "game" of life.
He says life is unfair to teens.
This shows that Holden can't accept the reality that he must give up his childhood
    and begin taking on the responsibilities of adulthood.

This inability to adapt becomes Holden's eventual downfall.
Throughout the novel, Holden is continually hurt by the world around him,
    and he alienates himself as a way to protect himself.
Interactions with other people usually confuse and overwhelm him (if he doesn't play them off as a joke),
    and this is where his sense of superiority serves as a type of self-protection.

Holden's loneliness due to alienation propels him into his date with Sally Hayes,
    but his need for isolation causes him to eventually drive her away (because he was rude).
Likewise, he longs for the meaningful connection he once had with Jane Gallagher,
    but he is too frightened to make any consistent effort to contact her other than call her on the phone.
He depends upon his alienation, but it destroys him.

As a reader, one can see that Holden’s loneliness is the cause of most of his pain.
He never tries to figure out what's wrong, but still he desperately needs human contact and love.
This need is also diminished by his protective, narcissistic nature.
As a whole Holden's grandiosity, alienation, and longing for childhood lead to his both his unstructured beliefs
    and his confused perception of the world.

Troxler's fading

October 29, 2015

Re-formatted July 1, 2019

What happens to a dream [ internalized ] -
engrained so deeply that one can see the crucial ideals
    clinging \\ desperately
to each uttered word like dew at the tip of a leaf
        so intertwined with one's being
        that to lose
            the dream
        would be to lose
            oneself

Does every action inspired by that dream leave
    [ traces ] of ideology
in the footprint of time

A
    tangible
    reconcilable
    historic
                [ Proof ]

Does every action carry a weight
A tentacle
Pulling
    from the bottom of the sea
        immovable \\ distinguished
            extinguished
    only by the dream itself
coming to be

Though the dream may be
[ ephemeral ]
an essence lingers on
[ invisible | unforgettable ]